Deciphering ..

 Many thoughts are born in my head...not knowing their cause but they have a purpose which i can't sort out...every time i decide up on something they go in to

 war in my head ,at first i could feel that it was between good and bad but now i have even failed in my attempts to classify them..the flares of ego tells me," its all yours and how can they be bad"...yes to accept i have thoughts that dare to walk past the lines of goodness in to the kingdom of bad seems intolerable so i decide to shelter all under one roof and i called them the reflections of the so called world around which myt be their cause ...there is a rising hatred towards many steps i took in ma path,the decisions i failed to voice out in time,the constant haunting from the world of ailments that make me succumb to illness,my uncaring ways of taking care of myself,my choices,my judgement about people and places that slap at my face back,the unseeked and unwanted emotional attachments and importance i give for people ,my ways to attract the undesired limelight in to my life,the all events which tore apart the happy girl i was...the downfall from the zenith of my own happy life in to the land where i wander down to find an identity ,which i seem to have forgotten,the shining  past has dissolved away in to the monochromes of black that rules my world...my thoughts echoe all that to me....but perhaps there is hidden a golden tread among all the dust that is right now hovering about in air...with time it will settle down and i will see the steps that shall make me traverse through this land ..walk in to the realms of my identity ,rekindle the fire of lost dreams ...cause from now on am living my life.. set by my rules ...as they say to be happy is a choice and yes i chose to be one!!! :)

NEW CITY part 1

what  pops up in your mind when u decide to leave a land so familiar and fly out to nest in a new terrain?? From the coziness of your hub ,u decide to walk out, to explore the treads of the new city . Maybe there is a trace of doubt,elements of fear,the time gap to sync in with the new place,people ,food,climate,language,mannerisms,behavior,outlook  and lot more..Well I had all that and they kept on surfacing  now and then .At times I regretted having to force myself in to adapting to the new set of situations I made for myself  and at times i did love getting lost in  the strangeness of the new city..totally alien to the roads that crisscrossed in my way,the echoes of the language i couldn't decipher,the people and their ways which at times i dreaded,the smiles that seemed all shallow,the occasional touch of heart from faces that were new,the advent of new names,tastes,landmarks,streets,places,friends, rituals...and much more seemed to await me in this journey.....
     From the start i knew the days ahead promised to be eventful,it reflected right from the ride to the railway station to clamber upon my train which was directed to trichur and from there i was to catch upon my Bangalore express...BANGLORE, the land that awaited me with all multitudes of colors which i was so determined to seek out in my six months internship ,the so called relief period from the schedules of college,the bounds of timeline ..the six months of off college training to mold me in to an architect(which i had ceased to become the moment i enrolled to be one ) whatever...the hopes were high up in air...i had my own personalized selfish reasons for striking off the training opportunity god's own country yielded..i underrated amma's tempting and alluring offers of my favorite cuisines and acha's assurance of giving me secured escort to work and back with a single word of "exposure " ..i told them in Kerala i lacked it and i was so keen to devour the whole concept of exposure which my dream city banglore assured!!!! so the deal was set...i was granted permission to set sail to banglore and they wanted me to grab my so called "exposure " to the full ,perhaps they had a grin hidden beneath cause they knew wat "my exposure " was which i thought they didn't...
        as i told, from the start events came pouring on my way...the ride to railway station was based on my innate ability to be late,the last minute delays of  forgetting to pack things and the unpacking process which resulted in order to stuff the newly discovered "wanted" items back in my trolley bag...the nostalgia which suddenly took root in me and made me glance upon everything in house with a deep feeling off missing...summing up i was superb late to catch the train...so the entire task and burden of making me catch the train was transferred to acha's ability to drive ..not drive "fly" the brio car with all its engine power so his daughter could get the "exposure"....we plodded on the calicut highway with all its beauty spots and rain lashing down as if to tell me a teary good bye ,navigating through the traffic festive blocks ,the cars ahead that seem to rule the road and objected to letting us pass,we managed to stroll through and finally when the last hoot of train rang out in air we reached ,picking up my bags chechy amma achan and me ran,literally it looked like a race(if you avoid the constant scoldings that echoed in air from the three sides ..of course directed at me :D )
we won and i finally boarded my first train in the series to take me to banglore...