Deciphering ..

 Many thoughts are born in my head...not knowing their cause but they have a purpose which i can't sort out...every time i decide up on something they go in to

 war in my head ,at first i could feel that it was between good and bad but now i have even failed in my attempts to classify them..the flares of ego tells me," its all yours and how can they be bad"...yes to accept i have thoughts that dare to walk past the lines of goodness in to the kingdom of bad seems intolerable so i decide to shelter all under one roof and i called them the reflections of the so called world around which myt be their cause ...there is a rising hatred towards many steps i took in ma path,the decisions i failed to voice out in time,the constant haunting from the world of ailments that make me succumb to illness,my uncaring ways of taking care of myself,my choices,my judgement about people and places that slap at my face back,the unseeked and unwanted emotional attachments and importance i give for people ,my ways to attract the undesired limelight in to my life,the all events which tore apart the happy girl i was...the downfall from the zenith of my own happy life in to the land where i wander down to find an identity ,which i seem to have forgotten,the shining  past has dissolved away in to the monochromes of black that rules my world...my thoughts echoe all that to me....but perhaps there is hidden a golden tread among all the dust that is right now hovering about in air...with time it will settle down and i will see the steps that shall make me traverse through this land ..walk in to the realms of my identity ,rekindle the fire of lost dreams ...cause from now on am living my life.. set by my rules ...as they say to be happy is a choice and yes i chose to be one!!! :)