The words still echoed within me,but every time they voiced out , a seemingly practical brain started to question out the genuinity of the said words and a not so pleasant emotion began to take root in me.
yeah,that was not the first time i had heard that..there were incidents, people before too, who perhaps knew to put it in more flowery ,so called alluring ways, but i had dismissed all that in one word either with a " SORRY " or with a big "NO " and walked away without even having a trace of those "expressive monologues " within me. but this time i was" Thinking " and that definitely proved that this was going to be all different and i had to be on guard ,on guard about my own emotions rattling inside. There were multitudes of emotions being mixed ,brewed and stirred and the end result was that i had come up with an emotion which was totally strange to me , a first time experience but it was suffocating ...I seemed to be deprived of oxygen in one second and next a happy feeling seeps in which gives away to anger, doubt ,confusion and starts off with suffocation all over again !! somewhere i did relish having it within and somewhere fear seemed to be high up in air ...
Getting acquainted to this new emotion which seemed to be traversing up and down ,lashing against my heart ,hovering over my thoughts and erasing away the rationality of my brain was all the more difficult. i have heard people discuss ,describe,argue,debate and lecture on the dilemmas ,the "pros and cons" ,the consequences,the wonders, the mishaps of this so called "unpleasant "emotion..or is it just an emotion???something which seems to surface up and die out? or is there a constant graph tie up ?or does it rise up to the peak and then just succumb to gravity and dies out ???a little thought in to it and questions seemed to pile up ,no wonder the hype around this indescribable
thing is always there...right from the time Adam and eve entered in to the picture!!! then
there was the time of "romeo and Juliet" who once adorned the face of true love and people all over hailed the deep love they shared.The sacrifice,turmoils ,the endless tears,the daring acts all in the name of love ,for the sake of love moulded the then concept of the people and shaped it with divine dimensions which only got itself adultered in the later period..we find trust getting cracks and finally ripping apart from many relations, the tales of extramarital affairs sprouted up, love became momentous and perhaps it coincides with the time people called the modern age or our beloved 21st century!and yeah modernism definitely demanded change to be a continuous aspect and how could people possibly stick on to one person ,one love when change was inevitable???!!!
so the world moved on and then it was all over..in papers, fictions,poems ,movies ..all announced the changed patterns of love or rather the present attires of love..love became a contract ,the period specified, the Claus defined and the so called "inseparable couples" separate happily and in no time nest in with their own new "inseparable " partners and that's when love is associated largely with the word "PRACTICALITY " rather than care,love ,sincerity or its synonyms ...
a peep in to the fact sheet of love and that's what i could decipher.there were ultra new concepts,theories,ideologies that were born out in love and it even seemed too hard for my rationality,morality and my thoughts to even understand,so i decided to set them apart and examine what i could grasp about the unexplainable ocean that swirled around" love"..to dive in seemed a bad idea,to step out seemed lot like cowardice and i was in continuous debate with myself.heart and brain seemed have totally opposite view points and my little body seemed to explode off due to all heat and pressure that swelled up within.
At some point i hated myself for not dumping and cremating his words but all seemed too late as i had tiptoed in to the large expanse of love,unsure of the trails i took, the path that was ahead, the armour which i had failed to build around my heart,the tactics of the new phase of love which i dreaded and all those weapons to build up the "practical love " which i never possessed because i knew i hated the love i had seen around and was willing to pay the price if i had made the wrong choice...thus despite all precautions,cautions,warnings,advices,and all those rational thinking i walked in to the empire of love ...unarmed ...inexperienced....
coming in to the reality of having succumbed to this emotion seemed quite hard but once my happy heart took in charge and confronted with the practical brain everything seemed to make sense.
the suffocation,anger,dilemma,and fear all dissolved away in to thin air and an extra joyful heart remained...brain decided to retreat but came up with warning pop ups now and then..just to assure that my love diseased heart would not fall head over heels and always kept in check...
all these remained just within me and he seemed unaware of the impacts of the ripples he had left in me...perhaps that's the beauty of love..things unsaid seemed to communicate more..in its vastness everything could be unleashed...at times there is the despair of things not falling right...the feeling of unwanted, the hopes that are dashed but somehow the magic of love gets to wash away all those scars and paint in red.. blood red ,the colour of love and then ignoring the warnings of brain the heart slips in to the core of love and that's when you fall head over heels and then i knew i would eventually believe his words and my lips gave away in to a smile ,the reason known just to me and among the clueless crowd i was smiling and perhaps he too would know... ;
