UNSPOKEN...........(short story)

                I can't recollect whether it was raining .....but for sure, no traces of sun's rays were present then......, the place around wore the color of my heart....
The silence that echoed within us was blaring out loud....we stood there staring into each other's eyes...but, i couldn't meet his gaze...the very same eyes into which i had the power to stare unblinkingly seemed to evoke the piled up emotions.....the questions he had and the silence i had to offer made me look away from his powerful gaze....
Words we had to exchange was a solid "good bye"....but, behind it stood the endless queries...the thousand whys...the unpainted dreams.. and the suffocating guilt..............
I always knew it was never going to be easy...but i thought i could..........his very presence had made me lose all my rational consciousness and the never ending tears in my eyes made me doubt the rain too.......
He didn't ask me why i was doing that , he never shouted, he didn't question me.... never called me a cheat...all he did was stare into my eyes and it had the potential above all, to pierce into me ...it hit me hard, bleeding me, wounding me even deeply....   Perhaps he knew the love i had for him was pressed down deep into my heart and i was his forever........
Silence seemed to communicate between us and then i took my steps away from him....somewhere i longed for him to stop me....call me back....but i knew he had always done that...and even if he did say that loud i will have to walk way.......the final word he told was 'take care' and i knew i was cared forever.....................

part 2: my exp with coaching classes....

entrance coaching classes at pc thomas centre was a learning experience for me in many ways ......i learnt lot  out of  it..... from somebody who calls 11 late night...i discovered it is a cool morning time as kids here established.....staying awake around 1 and 2( pm...obviously) was  a skill i acquired from there....the art of blindly believing in  inky pinky ponky and oh god plz tell and circling out a,b ,c.d.e.options in omr sheet made me realize at times u can be lucky wid ur gusses but most of the time my luck backfired......and the most unique ability i developed from there was to sit in class without passing chits.......(but of course the frequent firings , tauntings and the awareness of the camera invading on to ur privacy made me develop the talent towards the end of 10 day coaching classs......)...so...in short i learnt a lot out of pc thomas classes other than the subjects they taught.....:P..but let me tell you i have absolutely zero regrets in not byhearting the thousand mcq's they taught there because i had learnt something which was more important...the art of surviving in an entrance coaching centre...the foundations to which was laid strong from there and ofcourse that was the only thing that accompanied me from here to my next venture....and luv u for dat thomas sir.......

MY EXPERIMENTS WITH COACHING CLASSES....

Before i go in to the facts of this write up....i would like to express my heart core thanks to all my friends who suggested i should write such a thing with the above caption, "a special tnx to you all"....then to my loyal companions in  most of my ventures ,neela and chinju.....and to all those "gr8" places from where i did my survey....yeah....forgot the most important part...a very special thanx to my parents for never giving up the belief that i will stick on to atleast one of those coaching classes...i thank you 4 your patience and" money".....

              The story begins on one fine morning wen the cbse announced the results of my 10th board and as a result me taking a vow to go in the traditional path of a science student in kerala....yes u r rite!....to write those entrance exams.....
            people say wen u take decisions in haste it is sure u regret ....the next three years of my life i was realizing how correct  the  saying  is.....
the first coaching centre i stepped on waz the most famous in the whole of kerala....it was pc thomas coaching class....coaching class on how silent one can be...how u stare just in one direction ie, on to the board....from 8 -5 how can you sit under constant vigilance of a camera howering above you....and the art of sleeping with eyes wide open....(i am damm sry if i offended somone with high regards on the coaching system....but i tell you to stop right here because my views on this system is horrendous)...luckily i had joined for vacation classes that means for 10 days...i had to suffer....
but i guess where ever you go ur life depends on your attitude.....we guys made a heaven out of that hell.....if attending the coaching class waz the sole priority we converted it in to making the hostel lif fun.... as i had mentioned above i had my frnds along...and we tied up with ppl nursing the same feelings and as a result gave the warden shock of her life ....(i guss she waz so used to seeing kidz immersed in books she found it hard to digest that there is something more to lif than entrance).........
                                                                      (will cont)

     

good bye.....

Everyone i met told me ...i should have dreams.....not the ones that visit you in your sleep,
those which whisper to you in every second of you life  to make them real...something you hold close to your heart ...maybe ,at times they are just within the walls of your heart....
mine were like that...only known and visible to me.....others never felt it as mine or i didn't let them feel it waz mine........i know time has long past to fight over the reasons ....but..i need time to get over them...and this is all i have got to tell them.....
"dreams.....fly away from me...so that i can't just feel you....
let me try to  wash away the imprints you left....but definitely everlasting....
let me pursue every attempt to receive those ones adopted....
let me live to raise them  bloom for the hearts i love and care.....
so dreams...my dreams  ..i leave you here...orphans....
with aheart weighed down with grief...with eyes soaked up....
i take those hands of the adopted leaving mine to death..........

 

FLASH BACK....

The pain of separation, death provides, is imprinted forever.....In places where love shines in full ,its intensity deepens....
When your heart hold someone ,deeply preserved , alive in memories, the very thought unleashes the held up feelings...,as they pour out ravenously, the love drops that utter from your eyes bear the testimony of how special the person was in your life or still is......
   here goes an extract ..soaked in the salty tears ,which began their flow when my eyes failed  to see him..
 
                  'Aroma' is unique ,the way it ignites the chain of memories, evoking  nostalgia,to capture images hidden in brain relating to all those events lulled by its wondrous smell.....
            The neem leaves and the never ending ayurvedic home remedies brings out the white attired mundu man into my thoughts.....my first  best friend , my guide, my playmate , my trustee ...clubbing up ...MY WORLD....my ACHACHAN...(grand father)
       Smile was never a gesture for him but was his nature ...his eyes could always read my thoughts , my pranks ..never did i tell him my wants but my loving grandpa did always unravel them...
Perhaps the only person who bore me with all my adamantness,all the naughtiness and my great silly tales.....
the years i had his company were limited ,but the bounty of time never could keep away the thoughts he  stuffed into my tiny head..., love and care he showered ..
                      Achacha ..to you is linked my train of childhood memories...they revolve around you ..your words made my world...the tiny little 'synabha' born in to the wonderland of stories were familiar to just you and me....The stocks of chocolate the nearby shop had were only shared between us...The way you would greet me with my favorite chocolates in your hands,making me jump in to those safe arms from the school bus ...all lay fresh in my mind like things of yesterday..but the fact that they are 12 years old shudders me...
                          you always had the miraculous power to fix my" big worries"....
whenever i had troubles letting my ideas conveyed to my parents you helped me out , like a mentor you corrected my flaws with no talking sticks but with love dipped ways...perhaps that is the reason, for the word love, to bring me your face  first, the face i wish would again wink to me...would speak to me , comeback to me....
    In those evenings, when the little me used to enquire about amma's return from work..you used to cast a "magic spell" and would ask my tiny eyes to scan at the end of the long put out steps..then i would site her Saree and jump with the pleasure of having  amused by your jadoo...but....now as i stand there and say those magic words ..will you come up those steps...back to me...in to my life,,,forever and ever...WILL U??????
                                                                    -Kuku-